How Not to Park a House
by instamatical
Summary: Full title: How Not to Park a House Or: L. Frank Baum Must Not Have Owned a Mobile Home. OneShot written as a parody of the original. Feedback appreciated.


_This was written as an assignment for my English class, as a parody of L. Frank Baum's The Wizard of Oz. Feedback is appreciated, whether it be negative or positive._

How Not to Park a House (Or: L. Frank Baum Must Not Have Owned a Mobile Home)

Dorothy, the Scarecrow, the Tinman, the Cowardly Lion, and the little dog, too, all watched in horror as the Wicked Witch of the West melted before their eyes. Dorothy bit her lip and prayed that no one would get too angry. After all, this was the second person she'd killed that day. Not exactly something that goes over too well with local law enforcement.

Meanwhile, Glinda's 4-in-1 scepter/fax/phone/GPS began vibrating, alerting her of an incoming call. She hit the scepter against the ground and took the call. It was a guard from Kiamo Ko, the Wicked Witch of the West's castle, calling to inform Glinda of the Witch's death. Irritated, Glinda slammed the scepter into the ground to end the call, and then entered a 4-digit code into the handle of the scepter and her TranspoBubble 2003 appeared. After she entered Kiamo Ko as the destination for her scepter's GPS, Glinda was on her way to do damage control.

Four hours and a lot of scepterphone calls later, Glinda had managed to keep the unusual circumstances of the Wicked Witch of the West's death mostly under wraps. Unfortunately for Dorothy, Ozian officials had no choice but to charge her with edificial manslaughter, landing a house in an area zoned commercially, trespassing, two counts of petty larceny, involuntary manslaughter, abuse of a corpse, failure to report a crime, possession of stolen property, animal cruelty, and entering Oz illegally without a passport. The Scarecrow, Tinman, Cowardly Lion, and even little Toto were being charged as accomplices. Things weren't looking good for the Merry Murderess, as Dorothy had been dubbed by the media, or her band of misfits.

"Dorothy Gale," the Ozian judge boomed, "You have been found guilty on ten counts of the indictment. The single count of cruelty to animals, of which you were accused since you were carrying your little dog around in a picnic basket, was dropped when upon closer examination it was discovered that the basket was, in fact, velvet lined and had sufficient ventilation. I hereby sentence you to expulsion from Oz with no chance for return. From this day forth, if you are found within Ozian borders, you will be executed by falling house. You are to return all stolen property to the court, as the next of kin for the victims has yet to be located. Your house will be kept in Oz as evidence, as is standard procedure with a murder weapon. Miss Gale, you are also being held accountable for the $2.5 million in damages you caused during your brief, albeit memorable, stay here in Oz. This amount is to be reimbursed through certified check over a period of ten years, beginning tomorrow.

"As for the Scarecrow, Tinman, and Cowardly Lion, you are each to relinquish your brain, heart, and nerve, respectively. You are also to sever all ties with Miss Gale and should make no attempt to contact her in the future, under of penalty of fire, rain, and spider, respectively.

"And as for the little dog, Toto, it should be noted that he was acquitted, on the grounds that Miss Gale was carrying the poor creature in a picnic basket and he therefore had no choice in his attendance during the commission of the crimes." The judge banged his gavel on his stand. "Court is adjourned. Guards, please escort Miss Gale to a holding cell until transportation back to the star called 'Kansas' can be arranged."

Glinda, glad to have seen the matter resolved so quickly, entered the TranspoBubble code into her scepter again. The deaths of the only two known members of a family were causing legal issues at every turn. The state had to attempt to find a next of kin to receive the decedents' estates, and if no next of kin could be located then the estates would be auctioned off publicly. As leader ad interim, the coordination of the proceedings would be Glinda's responsibility. She entered the zip code for Munchkinland into her scepter's GPS and stepped into the TranspoBubble. Before she could leave, however, she realized there was one last thing she needed to do. Glinda stepped out of the TranspoBubble, and popped it with her scepter. She opened the door to the court holding cells and made her way back to where Dorothy was being held.

"Oh, dear Glinda, have you come to help me?" Dorothy asked hopefully, her face pressed up against the bars.

"No, dear. I haven't come to help you," Glinda said. "I've come to give you a piece of advice before you're deported. From now on, be more cautious of where you park your house!"


End file.
